Well it's Friday again and whoever is looking for this week's flawless Friday mp3 mix can find it on my other blog right here
So then, on the 28th best album of the 00s according to the man whose opinion is the only one that counts.
Cretin formed as early as 1992 by members of (among other bands) Repulsion and Exhumed, but it took them 14 years to produce this their first album. It's also their only album so far. But boy oh boy what an album it is.
Instead of going for the hi-fi, technical sound of many modern grindcore bands, Cretin were instead hellbent on turning the clock back to circa 1987, to the early days of grindcore and death metal. This is pretty much the follow-up album to Repulsion's 1989 classic Horrified.
What sets it apart from all competetors though are the brilliant lyrics. If the album title and cover didn't give you a clue what this band is all about, there are songs about a guy with an insect fetish ("A probing fly climbs up his pee hole/Then it lays some eggs "), one about a retarded guy who hugs the family dog to death then digs up the corpse, dresses himself in the fur and runs around barking to cheer the kids up ("Wearing dog skin like a mask, he lumbers through the yard/He chases birds and squirrels and toys/A growling, yelping tard"), and one about an old man ejaculating on mannequins in department stores ("His favorite dummy's gone/She was 5'9" with shapely legs and assembled in Taiwan").
There are also ones about keeping dwarves as pets ("Strutting down the street/He's on his brand new leash/He tries to jump on people/I keep him out of reach"), kidnapping women and zapping them with a stungun ("I'll tazer your soft bits/And giggle when you pee"), raising your son as a girl ("I make him tuck his stuff/Back between his crack"), and of course eating dirt ("I'll bet you that it hurts like hell/When she takes a shit").
Allow me to share with you the genius lyrics to A Fowl Fetish:
I’m a rapist of poultry
Plucked, stuffed, and cooked
My recipe for love comes from a cookbook
You might call it sick but you’d be mistaken
I’m fowly in love
Nude beneath my apron
Lovingly prepping
My prizewinning game hen
Tongue-kiss the neck hole
Fingering her rear end
Massaging in spices
Culinary foreplay
My bumpy-fleshed lover
A finger lickin’ good lay
The turkey gobbles
The rooster crows
My glistening meat baster
Swells and grows
Dressing for sex with a twist
Spread her thighs, I grease my fist
I work the stuffing in her hole
Knees buckle when I lose control
I set the oven to cook real quick
And push the button with my dick
Lighting candles sets the mood
As I prepare to fuck my food
A breast or thigh
Neck or wing
My original or crispy
Sex cuisine
The scent of my lover
Hangs thick in the air
Through the oven window
I masturbate and stare
My lust overwhelms me
Throw open the door
Scalding my hands
I mount her on the floor
I plunge my cock into her meat
The steaming juices feel so sweet
Our fevered thrusting shakes the walls
Homemade stuffing burns my balls
She falls apart and cannot last
I shove a drumstick up my ass
Clawing at her tender breasts
I cum and then I eat the rest
Somebody give these guys the Nobel prize for literature. This is essentially the grindcore interpretation of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes and Deliverance. Absolutely sodding brilliant.
And I haven't even mentioned how frontman Dan Martinez went through a sex change after this album and is now frontwoman Melissa Martinez. That's too awesome to even express in words.
(mp3) Cretin - Cockfight
(mp3) Cretin - A fowl fetish (recommended)
(mp3) Cretin - The yawning god
Buy Freakery @ Amazon.com.
0 comments:
Post a Comment